The Day That I Committed to Black Lipstick

This is it freshly applied (This face accurately describes how I felt about it)

       When I was planning my makeup of the next day, I got it in my grade that I should wear black lipstick with minimal face makeup. This was further complicated by the fact that I don't actually own a black lipstick. Like any other person, I turned to the Internet. Makeup Geek corrupt shadow and petroleum jelly became my formula, and a hated Nivea lip balm the tube. This of course turned my desk and hands into a mess. Even with the mess I remained hopeful and thought that the fridge would allow my perfect lipstick to form. Mostly wrong...  
      It did take the shape of a lipstick, but once I twisted it all the way up, it refused to twist all the way down. The true nightmare happened though when I applied it to my lips. It had the same effect as a lip balm, but wouldn't layer into a nice black and looked like I smeared goop on random places on my lips. This is about when most sane people would temporarily abandon their dream of black lipstick, not me. I wiped off the goop and started raising my drawers for black eyeliner. Yes, I went there. After finally finding it and applying it, I realized I had another issue: it wouldn't get on the god damn center of my lip. Running out of time, I grabbed my homemade goop and slathered it throughout my lips. It effectively covered my lips, but still took a lot of cleanup to make it wearable. Not sure of my "lipstick", I grabbed my bag of lipsticks and hoped that I wouldn't need to abandon my black lipstick dream. 
Here are some visuals for you guys:

This is a close up, it is definitely a major fail

This is it two hours into wear
it was off my lips right after this picture

Update: I later applied Ofra Liquid Lipstick in Mina which I removed hours later for other reasons...